This was a dilemma that I recently faced as my wardrobe consists of a variety of jeans in various states of abuse, a collection of Rip Curl t-shirts and some almost worn out Vans Shoes trainers. I have a couple of crumpled old shirts, last worn for a funeral and job interview, a suit that was out of fashion when I bought it second-hand ten years ago and a pair of over-sized wellington boots that were won in a raffle. So I was wracking my brains. Was it time to go clothes shopping or could I borrow something suitable from a friend?

I called round to a mates place and he suggested I borrow some of his designer gear, which sounded like a good idea. The problem was size, I am a small and he is enormous. All of his excellent, expensive designer clothes were simply far too big. I looked like a kid playing dress-up in his dads clothes, so that was a no no. I decided to call on another friend who is closer to my size.

My friend Kenny has a huge collection of clothes, and he is about my size. The problem is that Kenny, a flamboyant gay, has a taste for exceptionally garish colors that look like high visibility safety clothing. He suggested that I borrow a pair of skin tight, lime green part-lycra trousers and a contrasting cropped orange t-shirt with a slogan on the front that read ‘Stop Me and Buy One’. I didn’t think that this would make the right impression with my date so I asked if he had anything else.

That was when Kenny said he had just the thing. A garish purple jumpsuit with a massive collar, covered in rhinestones and sequins. I asked Kenny if he was serious and he told me how this was the suit that had gotten him laid on a recent blind date. When I tried it on I looked like a really bad Elvis impersonator so this was not a good suggestion.

Then Kenny showed me another selection of clothes that he described as boring impulse buys that he had never actually worn. When I looked in the wardrobe I could see that there were some nice looking clothes, unlike the garish, brightly colored skin tight items that he had proposed. He had a collection of Nike ACG jackets that he had never worn because they were, in his words, too boring. There was a heap of jeans from Levis, Diesel and other excellent brands and a whole load of shirts, some quite loud, but several that I would happily be seen in.

So Kenny came good with the loan of a great little outfit that I am pleased to report made such a good impression that my first date turned into a second and then a third. Since then I’ve been out and bought myself some new clothes and treated my friend Kenny to another painfully bright, tasteless t-shirt, just the way he likes them.

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